Artie Lange

“Bob McCallister was just some weird guy and he would smoke cigarettes and hate his life and then every Sunday for what seemed like eight hours he had to entertain these little snotty shits from Long Island and Jersey”

“all right you're fucking him in the ass good go to China Syndrome goes every episode of Streets of San Francisco slow it down god this is what gave Douglas the stroke suddenly understand”

“if I had reduced Gilbert to a pretty girl I'm dating he goes are you dying of the AIDS virus I love what a great compliment pretty ask me if I'm dying of the AIDS virus”

“that that my work ethic specially cut down to seven”