John Mulaney

“I've heard every fucking thought I have. I've heard every thought. I'm way more interested in getting someone else to a place they didn't know that they were going to get to.” 16:43

“I remember when it came out the interview I was in rehab and I was reading it and it was a very bad time in life. I did think to myself this is very funny.” 23:12

“I'm much more comfortable talking to a lot of people about something than one or two and that might be a real sickness and it might be a big part of my overall problem.” 1:50

“I really thought that I was doing life. I was able to achieve at life with the drugs as opposed to in spite of them. It took me a long time over the past couple years to realize that I did well at what I do in spite of drugs not because of them.” 29:33

“I like that he thought he could walk into a Maximum Security Prison like he... what he had worked out in his mind was what he was gonna say. Not any of the logistics of walking in.” 10:44

“He goes, I'm an alien. I'm an alien from outer space. And I don't think he was.” 5:36

“I don't know what I'm doing, but I know that the tutor is he's not a liar. He's a snake oil salesman. He's a false prophet who accidentally saves your soul.” 29:11

“five unicorns is only need to get picked up for volleyball if the Yakuza is holding me I will send you three unicorn three unicorns and a emoji means the Yakuza's all right don't call the cops” 12:38